A Bicyclist Rides Into a Bar: Some Bike Jokes I Wrote Just For You

I was going to write about yoga poses good for cycling. I looked online, and found a few articles with pictures, the Sanskrit names, technical descriptions and videos. Here’s one from Men’s Journal by Shawn Radley (with whom I corresponded with about maybe joining in a tour group during my trip to Montana): The Best Yoga Moves for Bikers. Having nothing much to add, and finding the topic boring even to me, I decided on some bike jokes. But instead of copying some from the internet, I’ll use this as a writing humor exercise and think of some myself. Let’s see what I can come up with on the spot!

Why was the bicyclist a tee-totaller? Because he couldn’t handle bars.

A bicyclist in colorful Spandex walks into a motorcycle biker bar after a long ride. A grizzled guy in leather at the bar viewed the rider and said sarcastically, “Hey, looky what we have here. The lead dancer from the Bolshoi ballet.” The cyclist replied, “Funny you say that. I’m not in the ballet, but when I was dancing with your wife last night, she made an interesting comment.” The biker immediately became angry and turned red in the face and asked, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” The cyclist replied, “She said it was great that I don’t have to use a motorcycle-shaped vibrator to get her excited.”

A group of bikers walk into a bar. A group of bicyclists deftly steer around the bar, and avoid crashing.

Didi Senft, famous for dressing like the devil and jumping at the Tour de France, and his crazy bike.

A cyclist carries his bike into the car repair shop. The mechanic said, “I think you may be in the wrong place.” The cyclist said, “Nope, I’m having engine trouble. Both pistons.” “Oh,” the mechanic said, “you want the massage clinic around back.”

What do you call someone who has one bicycle? A casual bike rider. What do you call someone with two bicycles? A commuter. What do you call someone with three or more bicycles? You can’t call them, because they’re always riding their bikes and never answer their phone.

How many bicyclists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to change it, and nine others to argue about the aerodynamics, weight, lumens, and most importantly, color.

What is the best bicycling movie – Breaking Away, American Flyer, Quicksilver or E.T.? None of the above. It’s that GoPro video of that epic ride they did.

Why did the cyclist cross the road? For the carbs. It’s always about the carbs.

A hard-core touring bicyclist was broken down on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere, on a hot day. A woman in a beat-up old farm truck stopped and asks, “Do you need a ride or water or anything?” The cyclist looked at her truck, and back at her, and said, “No, thanks, but if you wait til I fix my bike, I’ll give you a head start to the next town.”

A guy in a car comes too close to the bike lane, accidentally bumps a cyclist and knocks him over. He stops immediately and jumps out to see if the rider is ok. The rider has some cuts that are bleeding but apparently no broken bones. He says, “Are you ok?” The rider says, “No, not really.” The driver says, “What about your bike?” The rider says, “I think she’s ok, but I’m pretty sure you hurt her feelings. You should apologize.”

Two attractive young female African-American cyclists were riding through a predominantly white small town in Texas. They get pulled over by a white redneck cop. He walks up to them and asks in that rudely aggressive cop tone, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” One answered, “Because we’re hot and black and that reminds you that you haven’t had your coffee and donut today?”

What’s a racing cyclist’s favorite color? Whichever one is the lightest weight. Bonus punch line: None, they don’t see color because they’re racers, not racists.

What’s the difference between a farmer’s tan, a sunbather’s tan, and a bicyclist’s tan? The farmer’s tan was earned through hard work. The sunbather’s tan is about looking good. Bicyclists don’t have tans, it’s part of the uniform.

What’s it called when a bike rider gets mad about not having ridden enough miles and goes and rides alot more? A vicious cycle.

What’s the ideal number of miles to ride your bike? As many as possible, plus one.

Source but originally from a Ray Liotta movie

Well, you get the idea. These may be funnier if you’re a cyclist. Some are more like witticisms. I hope you enjoyed them, whatever you call it. Do you have any bike jokes of your own? Share them in the comments!

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